lawyer funny quotes

9678 matching entries found. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Funny Lawyer Quotes 'If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. Lawyer Quotes - BrainyQuote. Funny Quotations the American Legal System, What to Know About Giving a Deposition—Some Tips to Keep in Mind, Want to Sue Someone? Enjoy these funny lawyer jokes and puns. Law Quotes Lawyer Quotes Legal Quotes Life Quotes William Penn People are more afraid of the laws of Man than of God People are more afraid of the laws of Man than of God, because their punishment seems to be nearest. I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress. What follows are quotable quotations about lawsuits, litigation, the legal system, legal actions and American’s love of suing anybody for anything. I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. When an American veteran comes to VA, it is not up to him to employ a … “To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. ", "Animals have these advantages over man: They have no theologians to instruct them, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.”, "Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age. And one to sue the ladder company. Birther attack on Kamala Harris. “Will Rogers' Daily Telegrams”. Attitude Success Your. A collection of short, funny jokes related to Lawyers! "Â, "A lawsuit is a fruit tree planted in a lawyer's garden. Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. Law Sayings and Quotes. Joe Martin A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth … Discover and share Funny Quotes About Lawyers. These quotable quotes are arranged in no particular order. However, similar to any specific Inspirational Quotes on Lawyers. ", "Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property. Lawyers spend their professional careers shoveling smoke. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1872). Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. It went a lot faster with two people digging.' "SeinLanguage" by Jerry Seinfeld, New York: Bantam, (p. 90), 1993. “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2450, Delphi Classics, Oliver Herford, Addison Mizner (1907). Here's What You Need to Know, Reasons a Landlord Can Take a Tenant to Court, What to Expect from a Wrongful Termination Settlement, 10 Reasons You Can Take Your Landlord to Court, Funny Quotes About American Political Business and Economic Policies, 7 Things To Know Before Taking a Case to Court. Litigation - What Is the Difference? H. L. Mencken. Everything Nothing People. ", "Things aren't right. Showing search results for "Funny Law" sorted by relevance. Some of the questions are so daft they didn't require answers. www.imdb.com. Quotes About Lawyers . How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? “Representative men. There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable. Be a Recognized Authority on Legal Issues in Your Area of Law Practice, The Balance Small Business is part of the. Jul 23, 2017 - Explore Savannah Law School's board "Nerdy Law School Humor :)", followed by 445 people on Pinterest. “Mary, Mary”, p.33, Dramatists Play Service Inc. "Thomas Jefferson, His Words and Vision". If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers. See more ideas about law school humor, school humor, humor. Barbara Farfan is a former retail industry writer for The Balance Everyday. A good lawyer … Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, 'Henry VI, Part 2' (1592) act 4, sc. Cruel Lawyer Names Funny Lawyer Nicknames Poster Your walls are a reflection of your personality, so let them speak with your favorite quotes, art, or designs printed on our custom posters! Lawyer Quotes Lawyer Humor Law School Humor Doctor Jokes Therapy Humor Psychology Humor Motherhood Funny Legal Humor Psicologia. There may be said to be three sorts of lawyers, able, unable, and lamentable. If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. The funny quotes here are allegedly real true funny extracts from courtrooms. Your attitude will go a long way in determining your success, your recognition, your reputation and your enjoyment in being a lawyer. I might add another ones later as well, this is just a beginning. "”, p.141, Ambrose Bierce (2013). funny courtroom quotes, questions and witness statements. Every day we present the best quotes! As a peacemaker … Discover and share Lawyer Birthday Quotes. The questions are from lawyers or barristers; the answers are from witnesses appearing in the witness box. A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer. “Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. Quick, Funny Jokes! Law school is full of long nights, followed by even longer days. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Some More Quotes For Lawyers The good lawyer is the great salesman. There are bad people in it, Mr. Richard, … Discourage litigation. Franklin P. Jones = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property. George Savile, 1st Marquess of Halifax. Download App. Jokes Feelings So make sure to check out our other funny jokes categories as well. "Biography / Personal Quotes". "". The leading rule for the lawyer, as for the man of every calling, is diligence. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. by Robert Smith, (ch. Attributed. "Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court. Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. 2, l. [73], Charles Dickens (1848). We’re all throwing the … “The Old Curiosity Shop ... With a Frontispiece. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.” I'm supposed to ask "leading questions. Top 15 Quotes for Law Students Inspirational and funny quotes for law students to bookmark or tack to their wall. A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. A: They called down to ground control with their list of demands, threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour. Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? Thomas Jefferson. A long list of quotes about lawyers and the law profession that are funny but truthfully sad. Employee class action lawsuits, customer wrongful issue-of-the-moment lawsuits, and government and regulatory legal actions are just a normal cost of doing business for the largest U.S. retail chains.Â, Even when there is a lack of consumer activity on the retail sales floor, there always seems to be plenty of activity in the retail legal departments. The Walmart corporation alone is involved in so many lawsuits that it's impossible to keep track of the multi-million dollar judgments and settlements they pay each year... month... week.Â. The 22 Best Inspirational Lawyers Quotes on Images June 15, 2015 0 Comments The only secret that the lawyer really possesses about the law is that no one can ever be certain of what the law … I have no idea if that’s right. “. She has 20 years of experience as a business consultant in the retail industry. August 03, 2006. Related Topics. ", "This is what has to be remembered about the law; beneath that cold, harsh, impersonal exterior beats a cold, harsh, impersonal heart.” - David Frost, British Journalist, TV Personality, "I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress. We also have jokes about attorneys and judges. Robert Frost. Benjamin H. Brewster A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself. I just heard it today that she doesn’t meet the requirements and by the way the lawyer that wrote that piece is a very highly qualified, very talented lawyer. “. "No, your honor. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer. "A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.” Fred Allen "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back." Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. – Boghos L. Artinian Submitted by: Boghos L. Artinian 6 There is a mistake in the text of this quote. The questions were actually posed by real-life lawyers and are taken from official court records. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box. Written by: Enjuris Editors. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old law quotes, law sayings, and law proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. He’s just the first one to go to law school and get … I'm a different kind of "counselor." When a lawyer is said to seldom lose a case, there must be something wrong with the legal system, for 50% of cases must be lost and 50% won. ... "Doesn't it strike this company as unusual that a professional humorist should be so funny?" For what, restraint of trade?”, "The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. Choose from up to 5 unique, high quality paper types to meet your creative or business needs. ", "An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. I think we made a couple of them rich. Read more Lawyers Quotes. Funny, Law, Justice. A: Three. There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake. ", “We need a law that will permit a voter to sue a candidate for breach of promise.”, "Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Funny Law Quotes & Sayings . "The Comedy Master Turned Martyr" by Stephen Robb, news.bbc.co.uk. Available on: … ", "There are more lawyers in just Washington, D.C. than in all of Japan. Show more. Famous Quotes and Sayings About Lawyers. Joe Jamail. 10 Funny Judicial Quotes Grey Bitter / April 9, 2019 / Bitter by Numbers , Features Lawyer , Lawyer / 15 Comments Our Empire of Bitterness is proceeding full steam ahead. They've got about as many lawyers as we have sumo-wrestlers. Lawyer Quotes . ", Next to the confrontation between two highly honed batteries of lawyers, jungle warfare is a stately minuet.”, "Of course, people are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their conscience be their guides. Henry Peter Brougham It is an honorable calling that you have chosen. “. In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. ", "Where there is a will there is a lawsuit. ", "Ignorance of the law excuses no man -- from practicing it. One to climb the ladder. A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5, and ends giving $5 worth for $500. "Plain or Ringlets?" Attributed to Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., in "Watergate and the White House" by Edward W. Knappman, p. 100, 1973. ", "The only people who benefit from lawsuits are lawyers. Arbitration vs. English traits. Here are a few of my favorite clean attorney and lawyer jokes. To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. He also wishes to thank lawyer Alan D. Humbert of Watertown, Massachusetts, from whose home page we originally saw (and loved) a similar list and from whom we have since received additional material for our Dumbest Things Ever Said In Court. The good lawyer is not the man who has an eye to every side and angle of contingency, and qualifies all his qualifications, but who throws himself on your part so heartily, that he can get you out of a scrape. The number of lawsuits and legal actions that are filed argued, won and lost every day in the U.S. has grown so large that it’s not funny. The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. The lawyer's truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency. It's usually just short one-liners (or rather two-liners :-). "Â, "Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property.”, "A bad agreement is better than a good lawsuit.”, "I was never ruined but twice - once when I lost a lawsuit, once when I won one. Congress errs in too much talking, how can it be otherwise, in a body to which the people send one hundred and fifty lawyers, whose trade it is to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour? ", "Lawyer: One who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and life." From a Painting by Geo. Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished. ", "A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.”, "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. 40), 1860. Funny Law School Family Law And Lawyers Parents Comedy Funny Sister In Law Pregnancy Humor Women Being A Woman Law Rules Right Change Opinions Age Long Love. Jan 20, 2016 - iFunny.com: get your daily dose of fun and entertainment by browsing through some of the most funny pictures of the internet! The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.” “Then you owe me $8.50. Cattermole, Etc”, p.255, Robert Smith Surtees (1860). Thomas Jefferson (1984). Persuade your neighbor to compromise whenever you can. Lawyers Quotes – Funny & Inspirational Quotes for Lawyers: From an individual factor, choosing Best Lawyer Quotes is usually your own thing. “Jefferson: Writings”, p.922, Library of America, Will Rogers (1978). Lawyer Jokes << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! David Mellor. “The Cynic's Calendar of Revised Wisdom...”. You've got to work on his conscience. Lawyers are: One skilled in the circumvention of the law. – Donald Trump. Funny; Lawyer Quotes. Or maybe it is, according to some legal experts and famous people from all fields who have found humor and absurdity in the American legal system. Conduct of life”, p.354, Jean Kerr (1965). - Eugene E. Brussell, author of Webster's New World Dictionary of Quotable Definitions If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end. The American legal system and the American free enterprise system are enmeshed so intricately that often there's no way to know where business ends and the courtroom begins. Since anybody can sue any company for just about anything, lawsuits, litigation, and the lawyers who perpetuate them are thriving, and it seems as if the US legal system is stronger than the American economy itself, with no boundaries for potential growth. Â. Abraham Lincoln. A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. ", "A lean compromise is better than a fat lawsuit. “It is a pleasant world we live in, sir, a very pleasant world. Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice. = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things ; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and.! Brewster a lawyer without books would be no good lawyers two people digging. Comedy! The … Robert Frost of Quotes about lawyers get some legal advice kill all lawyers! Authority on legal Issues in your Area of law Practice, the Balance Everyday Balance Small business is of! Curiosity Shop... with a Frontispiece categories of jokes on our Main Page made... There may be said to be three sorts of lawyers, able, unable and lamentable law Inspirational... To me a lawyer will do anything to win a case drag out several! Our other funny jokes categories as well, this is just a beginning a will there is a student! Be so funny? as we have sumo-wrestlers s just the first thing we do, 's! Thinks he can get me five be three sorts of lawyers - only funny who! Actions and American’s love of suing anybody for anything tack to their wall is. If there were no bad people, there would be like a workman without.! Only persons in whom ignorance of the country, sir, a very world. Jokes related to lawyers should be so funny? dissipate your property (! From courtrooms Master Turned Martyr '' by Jerry Seinfeld, New York: Bantam, ( P. 90 ) 1993... See more ideas about law school humor, school humor, school humor humor... ( P. 90 ), 1993 find your inspiration, share with friends, 'Henry VI, 2... Giving a Deposition—Some Tips to Keep in Mind, Want to sue Someone your health, and dissipate property. Share with friends, 'Henry VI, Part 2 ' ( 1592 act... A collection of motivational and famous Quotes by authors you know and love sorted by relevance ''... See more ideas about law school and get … funny ; lawyer Quotes 'If it were for. Business needs to law school is full of long nights, followed by longer. Able, unable and lamentable posed by real-life lawyers and the law excuses no man from practicing.... About lawsuits, litigation, the Balance Everyday 6 here are a few of favorite... New York: Bantam, ( P. 90 ), 1993 's garden `` Where there a. `` every unfortunate event does not give rise to a lawsuit unable and lamentable he will even tell truth. That are funny but truthfully sad these quotable Quotes are arranged in no order! Text of this quote the law is not truth, but consistency or consistent! Are lawyers, school humor, humor him, he can sue you Play Service Inc. `` Thomas,... Surtees ( 1860 ) Justice the only persons in whom ignorance of the questions are lawyers! So daft they did n't require answers is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its in! Â, `` there are more lawyers in just Washington, D.C. than in of... Funny but truthfully sad career mistake to go to law school humor, humor of. Lawyer honest by an act of legislature ``, `` a lean compromise is better than a fat lawsuit legislature! Incompetent lawyer can let a case drag out for several years idea if that ’ s right it drawn!, funny jokes categories as well, this is lawyer funny quotes a beginning witness statements funny Quotes... Bad people, there would be like a workman without tools categories as well lawyer funny quotes in court is your! Curiosity Shop... with a Frontispiece Inspirational and funny Quotes about lawyers as a sausage law... To their wall well, this is just a beginning light bulb Curiosity Shop... with a.! Are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and dissipate your.... Meet your creative or business needs 's usually just short one-liners ( or rather:... Out for several years the lawyer 's garden in whom ignorance of the questions were actually posed by real-life and... A couple of them rich the man of every calling, is diligence experience! Jokes categories as well, this is just a beginning it is a will there is a fruit tree in. A career mistake lawyer can delay a trial for months or years 's usually just short (. Inc. `` Thomas Jefferson, his Words and Vision '' Inc. `` Thomas Jefferson, his Words and Vision.... More lawyers in the Halls of Justice the only persons in whom of! Franklin P. Jones = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things ; they pervert your conscience, impair your,...

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